Breaking Free from the Drama Triangle: How Coaching Can Help You Thrive

The job market is incredibly tough at the moment. With economic uncertainties, increased competition, and rapidly changing industries, finding a role can feel like an uphill battle. However, despite these challenges, job seekers should be careful not to fall into the typical roles outlined in the Karpman Drama Triangle—the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer. These roles can unconsciously trap individuals in patterns that limit progress and erode resilience.

Understanding and being aware of these roles could be the key to staying resilient during tough times, enabling you to break free from unhelpful patterns and approach your job search with a healthier mindset. Let’s explore this through the story of Alexa, followed by an explanation of the Drama Triangle and how coaching can help.

Alexa’s Job Hunt Struggles

Alexa, a 28-year-old, has been struggling to enter the workforce after finishing her education. The longer Alexa remains unemployed, the more she feels trapped in the Victim role. Thoughts like, “I’ll never get a job because I don’t have the right experience,” or “Employers don’t care about people like me,” become increasingly common. Feeling defeated, Alexa avoids networking events and stops applying for roles altogether, adding to her sense of powerlessness. When friends suggest solutions, such as taking a short course or seeking part-time work, Alexa dismisses the advice, believing nothing will work.

Meanwhile, Alexa’s inner Persecutor adds fuel to the fire. Harsh self-talk, like “You’re not good enough,” and comparisons to more successful people she finds online and among her social circle, make Alexa feel worse. External factors such as the competitive job market also feel like she's surrounded by Persecutors, adding to the weight of blame and frustration.

To cope, Alexa turns to her best friend, Mia, who steps into the Rescuer role. Mia writes Alexa’s resumes, applies for jobs on her behalf, and constantly reassures her. While this feels supportive, it unintentionally enables Alexa to avoid taking responsibility. Alexa grows dependent on Mia’s help and loses confidence in her own abilities.

The result? The cycle continues. Alexa remains unemployed, feeling stuck and defeated, while Mia grows frustrated and burned out.

Karpman's Drama Triangle

Alexa’s struggles can be better understood through the lens of Karpman's Drama Triangle, a psychological model developed by Dr. Stephen Karpman. This framework outlines three roles people often fall into during challenging situations: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer.

1. The Victim: Feels powerless and overwhelmed. He avoids taking responsibility for his circumstances. His thoughts often include, “Why does this always happen to me?” or “There’s no way out of this.”
2. The Persecutor: Blames others or themselves for their problems. They maintain control through criticism, dominance, or judgment. Their stance might be, “This is all your fault!” or “You’ll never succeed.”
3. The Rescuer: Tries to 'save' others, often at the expense of empowering them. They Encourage dependency instead of building independence. Their internal mantra might be something like, “If I don’t help, everything will fall apart.”

These roles may feel familiar or even comforting, but they create unhealthy dynamics that limit growth and hinder problem-solving.

How Coaching Can Break the Cycle

This is where coaching can make a transformational difference. A skilled coach could help Alexa understand the dynamics of the Drama Triangle and explore healthier alternatives:

• Empowering Alexa (From Victim to Survivor/ Thriver): Instead of focusing on obstacles, Alexa can be encouraged to identify her strengths and achievements. A coach might ask questions like, “What small action can you take today toward your goal?” This helps Alexa regain control and take proactive steps.
• Challenging Negative Narratives (From Persecutor to Challenger): A coach can help Alexa reframe her self-critical thoughts, turning them into constructive insights. For instance, “What can you learn from this experience?” shifts the focus from blame to growth.
• Encouraging Independence (From Rescuer to Coach): Mia’s support can still be valuable, but she needs to step back and allow Alexa to take ownership of her journey. Coaching can empower Alexa to build her confidence and problem-solving skills, reducing reliance on others.

The Way Forward

The Drama Triangle provides a useful lens for understanding the emotional and psychological barriers people face, especially during transitions like entering the workforce. Breaking free from these roles isn’t easy, but with the right guidance, individuals can replace limiting patterns with empowering alternatives.

Elvora aims to provide coaching for those who would typically not be able to access coaching and/or face significant barriers in their professional journey. If you identify yourself as being stuck in any of the roles within the drama triangle and want to work out what the alternatives are, please drop us a message and we can have an informal chat.

Originally published on Linkedin Pulse: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/breaking-free-from-drama-triangle-how-coaching-can-help-you-noyfe/